Thhe best description of a meltdown I’ve come across.
Last weekend, I had a meltdown and the next morning I tried to capture some scattered impressions of it to share. I’ve purposely left this raw and unedited, the way it unspooled in my head, to give you a feel for how chaotic a meltdown can be. While meltdowns are different for everyone, this is how I experience them.
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A meltdown can go one of two ways: explosion | implosion.
Explosion
Everything flies outward. Words. Fists. Objects.
Implosion
Have you ever seen a building implode? The charges go off somewhere deep inside and for a moment you swear nothing is going to happen and then seconds later–rubble and dust and a big gaping hole in the ground.
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It feels like a rubber band pulled to the snapping point.
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What I don’t want to hear:
- It’s okay.
- (It’s not.)
- You need to pull yourself together.
- (I will, when…
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Appalachian aspie. 
When I discovered, near the end of my life, that I had, all the time, to hide to others AND TO MYSELF, my real condition of total inadequacy to life, it was too late and anyway still impossible to change the route, So I am faced with observing the whole fraud that my real life has been.