Tomarrow, Monday, “Michael” it taking me to the hotel. I’ll be there alone. With no phone. and no special interest. Have read better reviews of the hotel. Will be bored out of my mind!! All the stuff I want to keep goes in a plastic tub. Wich defeats the purpose since I need help with it. Will feel like a traitor dropping Shania off at the vet’s to be boarded.for a week! I want her to be healthy and well looked after but what will she think Well, at lest it will be cooler. Not looking forward to tomarrow. Allegedly, “Michael” will have some people to clean and throw out anything not in the plastic tub. Accept for my tv and my mom’s tables. computer. Hopefully. If “Michael” doesn’t mess things up. I don’t want to go!! At least the hotel won’t be so hot!! Somebody in my family was so hostile when I told them about it. I wish my family cared about me. Will report about this adventure when I get back next Monday. Listening to Scott Elrod’s sexy voice again. Will miss watching him. Will miss Shania so much!! Until next Monday folks.
I feel emotionally abandoned, “Michael” is moving me to a hotel while he comes to my apartment and throw everything out. No consideration is being shown to the fact that my mom’s tables-the only things I have left of her-are not being preserved. They are showing no consideration for my feelings what so ever. It’s like they are saying, we’re going to take you to this hotel. You have to but your beloved kitty who I desperately need for emotional support-to a vet for boarding. Leave the window of my apartment open in a very bad drug infested neighborhood. Buy new furniture since mine will be discarded. Isolate me in the hotel. Without access to my “support system” if you can call it that. Go without my special interest. The problems here have stemmed from my caseworker not doing his job. I am in a very bad depression. They told me they will replace my broken microwave and we are arranging for someone at another agency to come in a teach me life skills. Bought me a new outfit.Yet I feel emotionally betrayed and abandoned. There seems to be no thought to my depression and fears. I’m not sure really how to explain it. “Therapy” would be a prescripted thing designed for those with other disorders. No real input or interaction about what I’m feeling or am going through. One on one therapy would only take place every one or two months. Hello? All I have is a hotline number. They don’t care about how ,my Autism is doing. Emotionally I feel like I have been to the Judge Rotenberg center. granted, they are planning to help me move. But it’s like an emotionally sterile reaction on there part. My family is not there for me. it will be nice to come home to a clean air conditioned place. But my emotions are taking such a blow that I wonder if I’ll survive it. Those tables are precious to me. This pain feels like a physical assault. Can’t take much more. Tomarrow is supposedly D-day. That hotel sounds like torture. Although much nicer than here. Don’t know what to do. Granted they are going to pay for it. Hotel because other place didn’t work out. Might call hotline. What if I say I don’t want to go to hotel and board my kitty? I almost dread the answer. All this stuff was planned without input from me. Oh well. I’m a tough girl. There is a large plastic tub to put things in. That stuff I keep. the tables don’t fit inside. Feel like I am betraying my cat by boarding her. what will she think?. Don’t want to go “Michael” But will see what happens.
Well, sometimes I feel very isolated. Even though I do like my independence. The social and communication problems are part of the worst. The sensory issues. And being seen as such a third-class-or much worse-citizen are torture. Living in poverty. My insurance will not pay for most medical treatment. I like being part of a special group of people. called spectrumites. But hate so much attention being put of stuff like blue lights and “awareness. While so many of us need to be cared about!! I’m so sick of feeling like we’re being proccessed! Telling someone about Autism will not change thier hearts. And that is where the problem lies. Not in their heads. But in their hearts. The stygma bullying and killing will not stop until NT’s hearts change. Does anyone think if a person had told Hitler that Jews were being put into camps it would have stopped him? Enough already! Unable to get to too many places when I don’t drive. I hate my Autism. NT’s atitudes towards the disorder are very hard to live with. The depression and insomnia. I like finally knowing what’s wrong wwith me. And having so much information about it. Not being at the skill level that others my age are. Even Aspies, is rough. The way the system deals with me. Not having anything available here for those with Autism. This is such a cold cold world. Where murder and killing are aplauded and life is considered to be of so little value! Especailly those with disablities. I am watching a movie. A man was aplauded-literally-for killing a woman. How did our world become that way? I don’t look at life like that. Killing is not compassion. It’s hard enough to live with my Asperger’s. I don’t need that too.
Hello again. I feel so totally isolated! My family is distant. Mostly they just answer my emails. They call occasionally. But they aren’t really there for me. Kind of look down on me. The other people in my apt. building are all into drugs. Well, not all. The whole town is being taken over by drugs. Probably pushers from out of state. Not the kind of people I want to spend time with. A girl in a meeting downstairs, said she didn’t want -people living here. that would include me. nothing in this town to do if you don’t have money. And your looked down on big time if you don’t. Socializing is hard for Aspies anyway. I get a huge feeling I’m not welcome here. It’s like being the only one on an island hundreds of miles from anywhere. I don’t get why people are obsessed with phones and texting. Makes me sick. They-and I-need human contact! Oh to hear a human voice speaking face to face once in a while! Don’t do well handling with my Asperger’s alone like this. My depression is still bad. Facebook and Twitter don’t take the place of contact with a flesh and blood person. I’m a loner not a hermit. Have a freind that I email. Can talk to her. But she lives in England. Am so alone! Don’t know how much more I can take. Have a .I feel that distance away from the people who are here to almost. Sometimes. Am so tired of doing everything by myself. My kitty is wonderful. But I need to have conact with other humans from time to time. Bless my kitty. Don’t know what I’d do without her. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hiQYurSJCQ