I can’t take this much longer!!

The conditions I’m living in are unbearable. It’s at least 90 degrees in here. Forget repairs and I can hardly change clothes because this place is so bad forget about finding my shoes!! Boxes all over. From moving. I keep wearing the same pair of jeans because I can’t afford new ones. Boots because I cant find my shoes. It’s like spring here. There is no way to cool things down in here and I am worried about my dear kitty. My depression keeps getting worse and worse! The case-coordinator who is supposed to be working with me, is a joke. All he does is talk on the phone and tell me all the things he’s going to do. I have some applications for other apartments, but nobody will help me fill them out. My family has turned there backs on me. Wich is not uncommon with Autism spectrumites. I feel like I’ve been pushed into a hell  and forgotten. While the ones around me laugh at me. There is no Autism center here. The only place I supposedly could go here does nothing. That’s where the case-coordinator works. Only a homeless person could live in this place. Even dopers would reject it. With My Autism I can’t take the noise. The door will not close safely. Although there is  a lock on it.  I am in hell. My family has forgotten me because I’m low-income. While the ones around me have such better lives. I am tired of not having enough money for food. I blame myself a lot. Thinking if I wasn’t Autisitc it wouldn’t be like this. But what can I do about my disorder? I get really really down on myself. This place was supposed to be fumigated today. But no show no call from the ones who were supposed to do it. How long can I live like this? Please don’t “like this post unless you comment on it. Things are actually worse than described here.

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5 thoughts on “I can’t take this much longer!!

  1. Hi annbeaumont . Sorry it took so long to get so long to reply to you. Yes, I’m an Aspie. Living with my family was difficult for me too. Although I miss them. I’m living on my own. Although I’m not working. Have had trouble finding work. you did much better than me going to college! I’ve been in the “system” since I was eight. I’m the only one in my family diagnosed with Asperger’s. Your description of confusion and not knowing what to say sounds so much like me. And there aren’t to many opportunities to socialize here. Unless you spend money. People know others from work or school and I don’t have that. My kitty of course. You caught yourself stimming in public too? Why don’t NT’s just quit judging stimming? Noises bother me. Neighbors, lights, my computer quitting, Bright lights sometimes. Not being able to find a special interest. A book or whatever. Too many people. I flap my arms from my elbows. Flap my fingers. you remember the tv show Alien nation? I can sympathize with those aliens! There was a shooting not far from here. Am scared to live here. Your ability to push through things is a skill that I lack. With no support system I can rely on. It helps that there are other people on the internet with Autism. thanks for your reply.

  2. Also are you still in West Virginia? I know it’s been hot here but it’s not been anywhere as ridiculous as it was in the Okefenokee Swamp area back home. Hope your day gets better!!!

  3. Hi! I didn’t know you were an aspie. I’ve aspergers too. Living with family was difficult although I miss them since they’re in Georgia. I left them a few years ago to live alone in Atlanta because it was easier to keep my surroundings under control and I was able to find better jobs in Atlanta than in Willacoochee, Georgia. I’ve never had much psychiatric help with the asperger’s. It was brought up a few years ago when my roommate was graduating with psych degree and I was going to a psych just after hs graduation, and I shrugged it off as a joke until learning that other relatives were diagnosed and also putting that together with my dad saying we’re all monomaniacal in the family. Mostly I’m just confused about what to say to people or how to interpret what they say, or why some things I say or do seems “eccentric”, or offensive (like too blunt maybe?), or funny even. Also the other day I was in Secret Sandwich in Fayetteville after a hike there and it was so loud in there that my boyfriend started letting me know that I was rocking and was trying to calm me down. Loud noises, esp out of nowhere, wig me out. I think an understanding support system helps. It’s difficult sometimes to keep myself in check and also to remember that others are being understanding with me. What are your stims? I rock, bite my nails, hum…pretty sure I flap hands and bounce all the time. Also I am so clumsy. I’ve found what keeps me from worrying about anything negative that has happened (to a degree) is to push through it and delve wholeheartedly into my pretty much singular focus, whatever it may be at the time.

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